A few years ago upon recently moving to England, I was sitting for drinks with a new friend, telling her about my most recent breakup where I was left for another woman, and how I chose to stay with this man my first few weeks in the city, as I didn’t want to put the entire “burden” on friends.
“Oh, so you’re a masochist” the words were delivered like a blunt blow, straight to my chest.
I mumbled some half assed defence and drowned out the sound of my voice in gin. I was full of shit, and I knew it.
I believe that we choose our own suffering, whether it is a conscious choice or not. We justify it in our heads. We choose to play the victim.
“This is just how it is”
“This always happens to me”
Sound familiar? We create our own dramas. And when we create this reality, we usually pretend to not even be aware of it. We put our careful creations in a nice little box, seal them tightly, shove the box behind a door and throw away the key.
We choose to play this victim because stepping into our own power is terrifying.
It is terrifying to acknowledge, accept and OWN the fact that we have power in our lives.
It is terrifying to own that:
We have the power to say no.
We have the power to stand up for ourselves.
We have the power to take care of our bodies.
We have the power to go about our days calmly, or flip out every time something doesn’t go according to plan.
We have the power to say sorry, and to begin to right our wrongs.
We have the power to exist exclusively in healthy, nurturing relationships.
We have the power to choose suffering.
We have the power to choose joy.
Not owning our power allows us to live our lives in a really small way.
A safe way, but a small way.
When we don’t own our power, it’s easy to point our finger at someone else every time something doesn’t go according to plan.
It’s easy to blame someone else when we are hurt.
It’s easy to push away our true desires, because true creativity and inspiration scares us - there is no guarantee it will work out. There just may not be a soft cushy landing whenever it is that you decide to jump.
True power is owning our stories.
True power is deciding to jump anyways.
We only get to live in this body, in this context, for a short period of time. Now why on earth would you want to waste that by pretending you are anything less than a force to be reckoned with? Why avoid risking failure, if that also means risking true learning, and even true joy? Fear will always be a necessary player in your life, but why not own that you are much bigger than fear, why not own that you have the ability to play bravely?
“Be brave. Without bravery, you will never know the world as richly as it longs to be known. Without bravery, your life will remain small - far smaller than you probably wanted your life to be.” - Elizabeth Gilbert